Had to share these...

Thanks to Carol Boltz's blog for the link to this one (Carol is the ex-wife of the famous Christian singer Ray Boltz - I love reading her blog because it's so from-the-heart and personal in the things she talks about)

Anyway, the main link I wanted to share is a series of interviews on youtube with Michael Bussee, the original founder of Exodus International (in the 70s). Exodus International is an umbrella organization for some of the largest "ex-gay" ministries in the world. The reason I wanted to share these is because Michael Bussee is now one of the most vocal opponents of "ex-gay" and "reparative" therapy. Michael explains very honestly and plainly how he never saw anyone who actually changed and became heterosexual, and how much of the organization was based on wanting to make money or wield political power. (Michael and the other co-founder of Exodus ended up becoming life partners after realizing that these programs weren't actually changing people and actually doing harm).

I've read dozens of books and studies on this topic. The topic brings up all sorts of feelings for me. I am angry because it's another way that people are using Christianity, something I believe in and hold dear, to justify hatred, violence, and as a way to make money and garner political power. I am sad when I think of all the kids whose parents have forced them to go through things like this (I have a friend who is 21 whose mom made him go to this sort of therapy just 3 years ago - this kind of thing is it's still going on). And I don't know if I can articulate an exact emotion to apply to my feeling about how many people grow up believing they are going to hell, are a bad or evil person, and can't be a good Christian because they're gay.

Mainly though, this topic hits home because of the one experience I've ever had with a professional counselor. Early in 2004, I had gotten to a very stressed and anxious point in my life, to the point where I was making myself physically sick and tired with worry and anxiety about my sexual orientation. At that point I really had no one to talk to in my real circle of life (or at least I thought I didn't) and decided maybe it would help to just talk to a counselor would be objective, listen, and wasn't a part of my regular life. I spent the first half hour just trying to get comfortable just saying this stuff out loud, and the next 45 minutes telling my story, nervously clutching the bottle of water he had given me when we started. Going in, I was actually worried that this counselor would try and tell me that I was ok, that there's nothing wrong with being gay - what I'd heard and read was how most of these counselors were "liberal" and many do not subscribe to the ideas of faith or religion, and I was wary of that. After I finished my story, he told me, in a very authoritative sounding way that "we know that gay people are just damaged, that somewhere in there life they were damaged" and that I needed to work with a psychiatrist to figure out where the "damage" in my life was and start attending one of the ex-gay therapies. He handed me a brochure about Exodus International. I was so floored at that point I didn't even know what to say. I finally managed to fumble out something like "I don't think I was damaged. I don't feel damaged. I had wonderful, supportive parents and family, scores of wonderful role models growing up, was never abused" etc. etc. He came back with "well there HAS to be something" and said I really needed to look into Exodus to figure out what it was before I damaged myself even more.

I was fortunate that my problem wasn't low self-esteem or confidence, because if it had been, I probably would have bought completely into what he said, and I suspect that many people do buy into this stuff, because they're hearing exactly what they already believe - that they're damaged, that there's something wrong with them, that they need to be cured. You add in the religious aspect

For me, that experience was actually a turning point of sorts, because it forced me to start thinking about all of this more logically and not as emotionally. Once I thought through the fact that I really was NOT "damaged" (and that it wasn't just denial), I started spending my energy doing more constructive things like reading, educating myself, talking to people, etc. I don't want to make that sound like it was easy. It took 2+ more years and the blessing of some wonderful friends before I woke up one morning in 2006 and, for the first time in a few years, thought "everything is going to be alright". But that's another story for another day.

I'll say one other thing about Exodus International. They are an umbrella organization for a very disparate set of smaller organizations, none of which are held to any particular standard, set of rules, or governing body, and in many cases don't even have a lot in common with each other, other than the "ex-gay" label. None of these organizations are licensed or have licensed medical professionals or staff, and none of them do research into their methods, document the results and follow-up to see whether any of their "patients" actually sustained any sort of change or not. Regardless of your beliefs on the topic, or whether or not "change" is actually possible, this organization does not inspire trust or credibility on any level.